One of the concerns I often hear from female clients is something like the following: “I am not sure I know the man I married. Oh, we have all the normal things that go along with a marriage: our home 2 plus children, money in the bank, careers and so forth. And yet, I have feeling that there is something missing. I find myself growing lonely in our marriage. Communication, a deeper communication, seems to be missing for me.
When he returns home after a day’s work, I want to reconnect with him, to restart our relationship after our absence from one another and I want him to want to reconnect with me, interested in hearing about my day. But that’s not the way it goes for us.
Whenever I’ve asked him, “How was your day, dear?” most of the time he says something like, “Fine. Okay. Things went well. No problems.” If I press him for more details, he looks either confused or gives me a look that says that there is something wrong with me for asking. He gives me much the same look when I try to share my day with him.
Sometimes it seems to me that he doesn’t care. Oh, on some level I know that can’t possibly be true – but what he chooses to share is all the information I have to go on.”
In the next part of this blog “Why is she bothering me?” we’ take a look at her male partner’s perspective on the very same issue.