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“You” and “You-ing:” The Genesis of Lying and Miscommunication

Once upon a time, when we were young and much smaller than we are today, we learned early that when someone much larger than we were said “You” we were in trouble, we felt physically and emotionally threatened. Being young, we were scared, afraid, and terrified. Inexperienced at life we did not know what to

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The Loving Test.

Before speaking or acting, ask, “Is what I am about to say or do create and sustain life?” When you take away all language, culture, or history we will come to understand that we are all, all designed to create and sustain life. Those of us who do not – pass away, ultimately sad and

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To “Please” or not to “Please?”

Bringing back “Please” makes for good relationships. “Please” converts a demand into a mutually negotiable request. “Please” rolls over into a mutual acknowledgment which feels good. Background: In a number of marriages and relationships, up to and including my own, “Please” may be seldom heard. I may believe I am implying “Please” when I’ve made

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We vs. You

“It seems to me that we” – is a truly useful workaround for the word “You.” Instead of pointing a verbal or real finger at your spouse and saying, “You never listen!” we can employ a far gentler, easier to hear, “It seems to me that we are not communicating well together.” Instead of, “We

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Bring back, “Thank you. You’re welcome”

For some reason, these days, I’ve noticed that I hear far fewer “Thank you. You’re welcomes” than when I was growing up. And yet, when I have coached couples to say “Thank you. You’re welcome” to one another at Marriage and Communication coaching sessions, without exception everyone, everyone smiles, feels good, and connected. What is

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Marriage and Communication is simply not therapy.

I promise, I guarantee to provide you with the core life skills and best practices for a truly extraordinary relationship. Anybody who has succeeded has at one time had a coach. Further, when we look closer, there is an almost invisible future generation at stake. Create a relationship in which one may choose to raise

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The magic of “Yes.”

(part one) All too many of us carry around an unexamined, deep-seated doubt about who we are, our self worth and essential value as a human being.  These internal conversations and negative self-assessments color the way we appear and interact with others and our world. With negative self-talk we adopted as children we routinely enter

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“Help. I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to say.”

This rarely gets spoken in a young marriage – but it ought to be. Instead, too often we hear something like, “I no longer feel love for you.” Immediately, the one who heard this gets upset and starts to freak out. To add insult to injury, this damaging message may show up at around three

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The Space of Blessing and Communication.

We’ve read earlier of the power of “Yes, and” as a means of helping us move from reactive “NOs” and BUTs” to calmer, more responsive spaces of “Yes, and…” For example, one can follow a, “Yes, and” in a variety of ways such as, “Yes, and tell me more.” “Yes, and can I share with

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Why “Make allowances” when you can communicate instead?

All too often couples find themselves “Making allowances.” Forgiving inappropriately. It goes something like this: “He or she just did or said something that upset me. I don’t know how to let them know how it made me feel. I love them dearly and I don’t want to get into an argument or a fight,

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