Legacies of Childhood in Adult Communication

Adding a timeline, a “By when” to our communication is essential in relationships. We have a communication legacy stemming from our childhood. As children when we requested or wanted something we often heard, “no, not now, later, soon, in a while, after dinner, next week, when you are older,” and so forth. Before long we

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“You” and “You-ing:” The Genesis of Lying and Miscommunication

Once upon a time, when we were young and much smaller than we are today, we learned early that when someone much larger than we were said “You” we were in trouble, we felt physically and emotionally threatened. Being young, we were scared, afraid, and terrified. Inexperienced at life we did not know what to

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The Loving Test.

Before speaking or acting, ask, “Is what I am about to say or do create and sustain life?” When you take away all language, culture, or history we will come to understand that we are all, all designed to create and sustain life. Those of us who do not – pass away, ultimately sad and

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To “Please” or not to “Please?”

Bringing back “Please” makes for good relationships. “Please” converts a demand into a mutually negotiable request. “Please” rolls over into a mutual acknowledgment which feels good. Background: In a number of marriages and relationships, up to and including my own, “Please” may be seldom heard. I may believe I am implying “Please” when I’ve made

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We vs. You

“It seems to me that we” – is a truly useful workaround for the word “You.” Instead of pointing a verbal or real finger at your spouse and saying, “You never listen!” we can employ a far gentler, easier to hear, “It seems to me that we are not communicating well together.” Instead of, “We

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Bring back, “Thank you. You’re welcome”

For some reason, these days, I’ve noticed that I hear far fewer “Thank you. You’re welcomes” than when I was growing up. And yet, when I have coached couples to say “Thank you. You’re welcome” to one another at Marriage and Communication coaching sessions, without exception everyone, everyone smiles, feels good, and connected. What is

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Marriage and Communication is simply not therapy.

I promise, I guarantee to provide you with the core life skills and best practices for a truly extraordinary relationship. Anybody who has succeeded has at one time had a coach. Further, when we look closer, there is an almost invisible future generation at stake. Create a relationship in which one may choose to raise

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The magic of “Yes.”

(part one) All too many of us carry around an unexamined, deep-seated doubt about who we are, our self worth and essential value as a human being.  These internal conversations and negative self-assessments color the way we appear and interact with others and our world. With negative self-talk we adopted as children we routinely enter

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“Help. I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to say.”

This rarely gets spoken in a young marriage – but it ought to be. Instead, too often we hear something like, “I no longer feel love for you.” Immediately, the one who heard this gets upset and starts to freak out. To add insult to injury, this damaging message may show up at around three

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The Space of Blessing and Communication.

We’ve read earlier of the power of “Yes, and” as a means of helping us move from reactive “NOs” and BUTs” to calmer, more responsive spaces of “Yes, and…” For example, one can follow a, “Yes, and” in a variety of ways such as, “Yes, and tell me more.” “Yes, and can I share with

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Why “Make allowances” when you can communicate instead?

All too often couples find themselves “Making allowances.” Forgiving inappropriately. It goes something like this: “He or she just did or said something that upset me. I don’t know how to let them know how it made me feel. I love them dearly and I don’t want to get into an argument or a fight,

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“NO” need not be the end of a communication, only the opening of the next.

“NO” need not be the end of a communication, only the opening of the next. True story: He invited her to come out so they could spend time together at a nearby park. What did happen: She said, “NO.” He took it personally and got mad. It turns out that all she needed was a

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The Genesis of Forgiveness, the Rebirth of Trust

How do we rebuild trust when it is gone? We know that words have no value when it comes to reestablishing our partner’s trust. We hear, “Talk is cheap” “Actions speak louder than words,” “I simply don’t believe you.” So, how may we rebuild their faith in us? Can we be forgiven? Towards rebuilding trust,

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“One of the keys to communication is invitation.”

When you wish to share something with your spouse, invite them to talk, first. They might be involved in something else and are unable or unwilling to interrupt what they are doing in the moment. Starting to talk without an invitation may put them in a bind. They don’t wish to disappoint you. They may

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“Communication tune-ups for your business?”

After your business’ mission statement, communication is the lifeblood of your enterprise; management to staff, staff to employees, and everyone to clients and customers. Over time, given the nature of human beings, communication breakdowns are inevitable. Negativity creeps into your workplace, staffers and employees stop talking, stop cooperating and confusion arises. Where teamwork and cooperation

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“A female partner’s point of view.”

One of the concerns I often hear from female clients is something like the following: “I am not sure I know the man I married. Oh, we have all the normal things that go along with a marriage: our home 2 plus children, money in the bank, careers and so forth. And yet, I have

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“Is Silence Golden?”

Men (but not only men) have what we might call a more “Workplace communication style” designed to collaborate, identify and solve problems, to achieve and accomplish goals together. When one man approaches another man in the workplace it must be because he needs something from him. If there is silence in the workplace – that

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“The Genesis of Forgiveness, the Rebirth of Trust”

How do we rebuild trust when it is gone? (Part one) We know that words have no value when it comes to reestablishing our partner’s trust. We hear, “Talk is cheap” “Actions speak louder than words,” “I simply don’t believe you.” So, how may we rebuild their faith in us? Can we be forgiven? Towards

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Breakdowns in communication counseling illustrated

Part one: a female life partner’s point of view.. One of the concerns I hear from female clients is something like the following: “I am not sure I know the man I married. What I mean is on the surface all seems “fine.” We have all the normal things that go along with a marriage:

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Entering into WE-ality

Relationships thrive within a WE-ality, not a ME-ality The key to creating an Extraordinary Relationship lies in developing your capacity to go from a ME-based life to a WE-based life. Up to and until the moment you entered into a relationship with another, the language you spoke, the choices you made about how and where

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