Blog

When we intend to communicate with our partner, we need a way to respond rather than react. Reacting does not require thinking. Reacting isn’t a bad thing. It works on our behalf as we drive our car. Before we think about it, we want to slow down...

Is your marriage a WE-lationship? A WE-ality, or a ME-ality? WE-ality: Living from the outside>in. One's focus is "out there," Towards one's environment Engaged with one's surroundings. One's Inquiry: Is into the status,...

Recently, my spouse said the following, “You know that sometimes when we speak, I feel like I am being ordered around.”  I responded, “I don’t think I am intentionally ordering you around.” Her reply, “Yes, and sometimes when you...

Our brains tend to have us spit out statements that on the surface seem to be “The Truth” when those statements are almost certainly interpretations, influenced by emotion, and more often than we would like to admit, based on limited, often...

I propose a  simple (but not necessarily easy) way of thinking and acting in relationships. It seems to me that it would be transformational to every human relationship if we were we to stop, pause and reflect upon what we are saying or are about...

Apologies transform relationships in a way an, “I’m sorry” cannot. Listening to “I’m sorry” we would be more authentic to say, “I regret,” or “It’s too bad that…” For example, “I’m sorry. I am sorry you feel that way....

It seems to me that we have a childhood legacy from being compelled, forced to say "we're sorry" in order to survive, to defuse, distract the large being confronting us in anger. It's the best we could do at the age we were then. And it worked...

"Seems to be that we..." now gets to replace all "You-ing," or similar “Blanket Declarative statements," interpretations, that sound to us as if they are "The Truth."   Why is this necessary? To preserve the listening of the...

Something remarkable showed up in one of our couples communication coaching session the other day. One of the couple I was supporting at Marriage and Communication coaching was able to distinguish the following, speaking to her spouse, saying, "Often...

Adding a timeline, a "By when” to our communication is essential in relationships. We have a communication legacy stemming from our childhood. As children when we requested or wanted something we often heard, "no, not now, later, soon, in a...

Once upon a time, when we were young and much smaller than we are today, we learned early that when someone much larger than we were said “You” we were in trouble, we felt physically and emotionally threatened. Being young, we were scared, afraid,...

Before speaking or acting, ask, "Is what I am about to say or do create and sustain life?" When you take away all language, culture, or history we will come to understand that we are all, all designed to create and sustain life. Those of us who...

Bringing back "Please” makes for good relationships. "Please" converts a demand into a mutually negotiable request. "Please" rolls over into a mutual acknowledgment which feels good. Background: In a number of marriages and...

"It seems to me that we" - is a truly useful workaround for the word "You." Instead of pointing a verbal or real finger at your spouse and saying, "You never listen!" we can employ a far gentler, easier to hear, "It seems to me that we are not...

For some reason, these days, I've noticed that I hear far fewer "Thank you. You're welcomes" than when I was growing up. And yet, when I have coached couples to say "Thank you. You're welcome" to one another at Marriage and Communication coaching...