The Loving Test.

Before speaking or acting, ask, "Is what I am about to say or do create and sustain life?" When you take away all language, culture, or history we will come to understand that we are all, all designed to create and sustain life. Those of us who...

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To “Please" or not to "Please?"

Bringing back "Please” makes for good relationships. "Please" converts a demand into a mutually negotiable request. "Please" rolls over into a mutual acknowledgment which feels good. Background: In a number of marriages and...

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We vs. You

"It seems to me that we" - is a truly useful workaround for the word "You." Instead of pointing a verbal or real finger at your spouse and saying, "You never listen!" we can employ a far gentler, easier to hear, "It seems to me that we are not...

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Bring back, "Thank you. You're welcome"

For some reason, these days, I've noticed that I hear far fewer "Thank you. You're welcomes" than when I was growing up. And yet, when I have coached couples to say "Thank you. You're welcome" to one another at Marriage and Communication coaching...

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Marriage and Communication is simply not therapy.

I promise, I guarantee to provide you with the core life skills and best practices for a truly extraordinary relationship. Anybody who has succeeded has at one time had a coach. Further, when we look closer, there is an almost invisible future...

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The magic of "Yes."

(part one) All too many of us carry around an unexamined, deep-seated doubt about who we are, our self worth and essential value as a human being.  These internal conversations and negative self-assessments color the way we appear and interact...

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"Help. I'm frustrated and I don't know what to say."

This rarely gets spoken in a young marriage - but it ought to be. Instead, too often we hear something like, "I no longer feel love for you." Immediately, the one who heard this gets upset and starts to freak out. To add insult to injury, this...

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The Space of Blessing and Communication.

We've read earlier of the power of "Yes, and" as a means of helping us move from reactive "NOs" and BUTs" to calmer, more responsive spaces of "Yes, and..." For example, one can follow a, "Yes, and" in a variety of ways such as, "Yes, and tell me...

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Why "Make allowances" when you can communicate instead?

All too often couples find themselves "Making allowances." Forgiving inappropriately. It goes something like this: "He or she just did or said something that upset me. I don't know how to let them know how it made me feel. I love them dearly and I...

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"NO" need not be the end of a communication, only the opening of the next.

"NO" need not be the end of a communication, only the opening of the next. True story: He invited her to come out so they could spend time together at a nearby park. What did happen: She said, "NO." He took it personally and got mad. It turns...

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The Genesis of Forgiveness, the Rebirth of Trust

How do we rebuild trust when it is gone? We know that words have no value when it comes to reestablishing our partner’s trust. We hear, “Talk is cheap” “Actions speak louder than words,” “I simply don’t believe you.” So, how may...

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"One of the keys to communication is invitation."

When you wish to share something with your spouse, invite them to talk, first. They might be involved in something else and are unable or unwilling to interrupt what they are doing in the moment. Starting to talk without an invitation may put them...

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"Communication tune-ups for your business?"

After your business’ mission statement, communication is the lifeblood of your enterprise; management to staff, staff to employees, and everyone to clients and customers. Over time, given the nature of human beings, communication breakdowns are...

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"A female partner's point of view."

One of the concerns I often hear from female clients is something like the following: "I am not sure I know the man I married. Oh, we have all the normal things that go along with a marriage: our home 2 plus children, money in the bank, careers and so...

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"Is Silence Golden?"

Men (but not only men) have what we might call a more “Workplace communication style” designed to collaborate, identify and solve problems, to achieve and accomplish goals together. When one man approaches another man in the workplace it must be...

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"The Genesis of Forgiveness, the Rebirth of Trust"

How do we rebuild trust when it is gone? (Part one) We know that words have no value when it comes to reestablishing our partner’s trust. We hear, “Talk is cheap” “Actions speak louder than words,” “I simply don’t believe you.” So,...

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Breakdowns in communication counseling illustrated

Part one: a female life partner’s point of view.. One of the concerns I hear from female clients is something like the following: "I am not sure I know the man I married. What I mean is on the surface all seems "fine." We have all the normal...

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Entering into WE-ality

Relationships thrive within a WE-ality, not a ME-ality The key to creating an Extraordinary Relationship lies in developing your capacity to go from a ME-based life to a WE-based life. Up to and until the moment you entered into a relationship with...

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Are You Suffering From Mistletoe Avoidance Syndrome?

Are you beginning to dread the upcoming holiday season? Have you begun to think, “I just do not know how I am going to sit and smile at them for one more year,” or, “Am I going have to have to pretend to get along with her, again?” or,...

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Communication Is The Key To Invitation

One of the keys to communication is invitation. When you wish to share something with your spouse, invite them to talk, first. They might be involved in something else and are unable or unwilling to interrupt what they are doing in the...

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