Somebody Speaking In Relationships

Somebody speaking in relationships is when one partner speaks aloud without any "obvious" recipient.

I noticed this the other day as I was peering into our refrigerator, saying (announcing?) "We're running out of milk..." Innocently, or was it?

Taking a step back: Who was I speaking to? Who was listening? What was my intention?

When I offer this to the couples I coach inevitably one of the couple (often the female partner) receives the "out loud declaration" as a request, something that she should never have let happen (her failure) or something that needs to be taken care of soon, preferably now. (Her

It seems to me that "Somebody Speaking" may be our legacy, a social-cultural inheritance of thousands of years of male and female acculturation.

We (males) may not consciously think we're directing our spouses or children around - but if we take a deeper cut, it may be that we are.

So I have begun to train myself to write "milk" on our shopping list. No one is confused or needs to feel confronted.

No "Somebody speaking" required.