Two reactions do not a communication make

We have what we might classify as a "Truth app" runningwell below the threshold of our conscious awareness

Our "Truth app" springs into action when it "hears" us speaking points of view with one another.

That is our first reaction.

But wait, there's more. If what you've just said to me fails my "Truth app" test for "Right-Wrong, Good-Bad, Agree-Disagree," we enjoy a second chained reaction. I will react to your Truth with what I know and believe to be true.

Then we get to argue about who is Right, who is Wrong, whose Truth is Truer, whose Reality is Realer.

Confrontation not communication; two reactions do not a communication make.

If we intend to communicate to connect we need to download and install a new app. A new app that helps us make an end-run around our "Truth app" before it invokes and sends us down the "Rabbit hole" of argument and confrontation.

We need a new app designed for communication and connection.

That new communication app is, "It seems to me that we..."

 "It seems to me that we..."makes that end-run around Truth.

  • It is an interpretation, by definition its not the Truth.
  • We can talk about and discuss an interpretation in a way that is difficult to talk about when we are dealing with a Truth.
  • There's a less emotional investment in an interpretation.
  • "It seems to me ..."is clearly about MY interpretation of OUR circumstances.
  • "That WE..." my interpretation is about US - not YOU.
  • There are no fingers pointing.

The chances rise that our partner will reply to our interpretation with a "Yes, and let's talk about that. When would be a good time?" Communication proceeds.

For successful communication and connection: 

  • A "Seems to me that we..." will get us a "Yes, and let's talk about that"  far sooner than speaking our Truth will.
  • We communicate successfully by speaking Seemingly.