Part 1: the dilemma.
We have what we might classify as a "Truth app" running well below the threshold of our conscious awareness.
Our "Truth app" springs into action when it "hears" us speaking points of view with one another.
That is our first reaction.
But wait, there's more. If what you've just said to me fails my "Truth app" test for "Right-Wrong, Good-Bad, Agree-Disagree," we enjoy a second chained reaction. I will react to your Truth with what I know and believe to be true.
Then we get to argue about who is Right, who is Wrong, whose Truth is Truer, whose Reality is Realer.
Confrontation, not communication; two reactions do not a communication make.
Part 2 – the solution.
If we intend to communicate to connect, we need to download and install a new app. A new app that helps us bypass our "Truth app" before it invokes and sends us down the "Rabbit hole" of argument and confrontation.
We need a new app designed to promote communication and connection.
That new communication app is, "It seems to me that we..."
"It seems to me that we..." bypasses Truth.
1. It is an interpretation; by definition, it is not Truth.
2. We can talk about and discuss an interpretation in a way that is difficult to talk about when we are dealing with a Truth.
3. There's a less emotional investment in an interpretation.
4. "It seems to me ..."is clearly about MY interpretation of OUR circumstances.
5. That WE... my interpretation is about US - not YOU.
6. No fingers point in any direction.
With these six elements in play, the chances increase that our partner will reply to our interpretation with a "Yes, and let's talk about that. When would be a good time?" Communication advances.
For successful communication and connection:
· A "Seems to me that we..." will get us a "Yes, and let's talk about that” far sooner than speaking our Truth will.
· We communicate successfully by speaking, Seemingly.